Receiving a termination letter from your employers is one of the most unbearable experiences in life yet it can be your only opportunity to move forward. Whether you have got other sources of survival or not remains stressful.
The day I got my termination letter, I was automatically driven by various emotions of anger, self-blame, hopelessness and so on. At this moment, if you are not into alcohol, the stress may drive you into abusing drugs, but if you are already a user, that emotion can trigger so many thoughts running through your mind like an increase in use as a coping mechanism thus becoming an addict. Like, what have I done wrong? I am not an alcoholic or drug addict, I am a moderate user, though they say am always confused…but I deliver, I don’t think I’m that incompetent. What is my next move? How am I to survive? I have got bills to pay, I have a chronic illness which requires a lot of money every month, plus a few dependants and of course my partners in crime (friends whose drinking I sponsor) and the hardest, what will the people around me say?
First of all, I got into a state of denial, where it was hard to believe that something that bad had happened to me, coupled with disbelief, I sincerely, passionately drunk alcohol to cool off as I waited for them to call me back thinking they had made a grave mistake yet in reality they were never to call me back. Now here is where I started hallucinating. I started to expose anger (outward) directing it to my former bosses and company talking of how stupid, wicked, unappreciative they are.
Since it was not working, I turned to inward criticism by blaming myself for whatever had happened. Putting my head on the board for slaughter since there was none to accept the blame. With answers like “yes I saw this coming yet I did nothing about it,” my drinking is extremely terrible, but anyway I have tried to quit and failed, why didn’t my boss understand that? Any way my boss hated me,” I relaxed on the outside but was burning on the inside.
After losing worth and confidence, I withdrew… I wanted to be alone for I had become anxious, lacked sleep, lost more weight, isolated myself by switching off my phones, locking myself in my house for I used to stay alone, without eating food and the very little money I had was for alcohol. I lost more weight and looked very terrible.
At this stage, I totally avoided contact with the external world .Thinking none cared about me. I became paranoid (thinking every two or more people were discussing me). I called my mother not to tell her about my loss but to borrow money with ideas of starting a small shop in town. She told me to go to the bank with my land title for a loan, for she had earlier given me some millions to buy land, truth is I visited the land but never bought it and drunk the money. Now this exacerbated the problem leading to further disassociation which finally led to a depression. I became suicidal taking overdoses of promethazine tablets to get a peaceful death. For I was now more guilty about having lied that I had bought land, yet I hadn’t. Oh my God! I even directed her to the place where the non-existent land purpotedly was.
Having gone missing, God saved me from death when a curious cousin sister came to my house. She knocked for some good time; I opened for her because she was the only one that could understand my problems. Being a psychiatric nursing officer, she just took me to her home instead of a rehab, for it had to be a secret, mum and the other relatives were not to suspect anything wrong with me.
The feelings of loss and the transition through the time of unemployment are so unbearable making us abuse alcohol and drugs,
which make our mental states become poorer with psychotic symptoms. For its really hard to reason logically and rationally when on drugs. So, to people like me, I pray you get someone you trust to talk to. Remember we live once…do not commit suicide.