John is a 44-year-old accountant working with one of the top firms in this town. He got married at the age of 32 and has a 10 year-old-son. His 12-year marriage recently fell apart due to reasons related to masturbation and pornography.
At the age of 32, John married his girlfriend of two years, as Christians they had never had sexual intercourse because of their beliefs. However, unknown to his wife to be, John was secretly nursing his sexual appetite through self stimulation with the aid of a stash of pornmagazines.
At that point in time he says he was already masturbating about four times a day including at work. He regularly excused himself to go to the bathroom so as to help himself. What John’s colleagues at work thought was a chronic problem with his bowel movement, was actually a problem of masturbation addiction. When John got married, he thought the habit would go away given his wife’s companionship and availability but this was not to be the case as John would soon realise.
John could not sustain a healthy sexual relationship with his wife because she could not meet the desired standards of his fantasy world however much she tried. They tried to introduce exciting roles into their sex life but to no avail, then the frustrations began. His wife regrettably learnt that she had married a masturbation addict whose fantasy standards she would never measure up to.
After five years in marriage, John started watching pornography. This worsened the situation both at work and at home. He started excusing himself from his desk almost six to eight times a day. Any slight glimpse at a woman’s cleavage or legs sent him running to the bathroom. This became so stressful for John as he could never settle at his desk given the fact that he had many female colleagues and female clients kept streaming in. Luckily, his colleagues were very understanding of his “chronic bowel condition”.
After seven and a half years in marriage, his wife sought professional help for both of them since prayers didn’t seem to work. However John, was not very accepting of the idea of professional help, and he attributed his problems to witchcraft from a workmate. The excuse of witchcraft went on for the next two years.
At 10 years into marriage, John’s physical condition deteriorated quite a lot. His penis became too weak to erect and he needed an aphrodisiac and extreme pornographic material to sustain an erection. Due to his frustration, John resorted to heavy drinking and smoking. He recently received his first warning letter from work. One of his friends managed to convince him to seek professional help. At first he rejected this idea but after his wife packed and left with their 10 year old son, John agreed to therapy. He is responding well to treatment. However his wife is still adamant that she will not return to that ‘hell hole’ of a marriage.
This problem is not unique to John and his wife. So many couples are suffering in silence for fear of being judged and due to the stigma surrounding masturbation and pornography especially in marriages. People can be treated and helped to overcome this problem successfully. In case you have a problem like John’s or are battling masturbation or pornography, please reach us at irecover@recoveryuganda.org