Janet Kahirimbanyi: A Tale Of A Strong Mum

Who is Janet Mary Kahirimbani?

I’m a 72-year-old, mother, grandmother and former banker.

People presume problem children are from poor unstable families, yet you were a banker. Tell us about your career to help us put Bill’s story into context.

I joined Bank of Uganda in 1971 after graduating with a degree in Political Science and Public Administration from Makerere University. I was recruited with an emphasis on administration but I worked in almost all departments from Banking to Currency to Exchange Control.

I moved to Kabale branch during the Idi Amin days because my husband who was a doctor decided to leave Makerere University where he was a lecturer to go into private practice. Back then, you would feel sorry for the public health sector workers because even today they are not that well remunerated by government. He chose Kabale as a way of paying back to the community that brought him up.

In 1993 I was transferred back to Kampala as the Deputy Head of Currency Department. In 1998 I was promoted to Board Secretary, a position I held until 2006 when I retired.

Bill Bekunda is an advocate against underage drinking because as a former addict, he knows the dangers too well. His mother Janet Kahirimbanyi didn’t disown own during his drinking days but she supported him and prayed. Now she is a proud mother walking around with a smile as Bill helps teens stay away from the bottle.

When did you first know that Bill was taking alcohol?

It took a bit of time. Bill was always stubborn at school but he was very bright. In his P.7 there were only two boys who got Aggregate 4 in Kabale District and he was one of them. He went to St. Mary’s College Kisubi on his own merit. In the first year he was doing very well. When he got to S.2, the performance started dropping but he would still be among the top 10. Then he went into 20s. In S.3 he was suspended.
They didn’t find him in the dormitory. He was leading a group of boys who escaped to drink. When we took him back, the deputy headmaster said that this group of boys had planned to kill his son because he is the one who had reported them.

I was shocked because Kisubi being a missionary founded Catholic School, we thought they were strict and there was no alcohol around.

That was the beginning of more trouble to come. At some point, Bill became withdrawn, you would have family gatherings, say Christmas, and Bill didn’t seem interested. He would make us feel like we were wasting time. His academics further went down and he didn’t qualify to go back to Kisubi for A-Level. I went to Brother Joseph Tinkasimiire (the headmaster) to ask him to admit Bill for A’ Level. He told me, “I’m very disappointed in your son, because when he came in, we thought he was going to be one of our stars, but I have struggled to keep in O’ Level. I didn’t want to expel him and then I find him manning a road block.

What next after this set back?

Namasagali College was known for taming shrews, difficult boys. Fr. Damian Grimes took him in. Visiting Namasagali was a difficult journey, the roads were bad but luckily I used to access a bank Land Rover in Jinja to take me there for visitation days. He was not attending classes most of the time but unfortunately, nobody ever told me that until they were making choices for courses to offer at campus. A teacher told me, “this guy hardly goes to class, what is he going to apply for.” I said, ‘they never told me that in his reports, but let him apply and fail and we see what happens.’

Unfortunately he didn’t sit the exams because he beat up someone shortly before. They called me and said, “Come and take away your son, wewould have taken him to Police but Fr. Grimes didn’t want to go that far.” I asked if it was possible for him to do exams while commuting because I had a friend near the school but I was told that they didn’t want to see him anywhere near the school, not even on the road that leads to Namasagali. Those were two wasted years because he didn’t sit the exams.

I sat down and thought, ‘what I am I going to do.’ His drinking was clearly a problem. It is not that his brothers didn’t drink, one would drink, black out and sleep, but Bill could get violent. He has told his stories on Facebook, I don’t have to repeat, them, but I can confirm that whatever he has written is true.

What do you think could have caused his drinking

Probably peer pressure. He tells me that some fellow students used to talk about a place where they used to go and “sip.” The father was a doctor and a pediatrician. He used to drink but they counseled him and he stopped. He told the children one time at dinner, “I, one time, went amok because of drinking and I think we can’t handle alcohol in my family, so be aware. If I were you, I wouldn’t touch alcohol.”

Contrary to what we thought, people were learning bad habits in traditional religious schools. Part of the reason was some students who were coming from abroad having vices which the other students found ‘cool’. Also, these big billboards advertising alcohol appeal to the young minds.

What next after A’ Level?

Bill had a group of boys with whom they used to drink and they were always running into problems, so I sent him to my brother who was working in the Ugandan embassy in Germany. He actually said the Police there was good and he wouldn’t be in trouble and would even return to school.

Unfortunately, after staying with Bill for a while, my brother called me and said, “I don’t know what you are going to do with this boy, but he definitely won’t survive here.” One time he had drunk a whole crate of beer in one sitting.

I didn’t know what next because I was glad he was away. One time, when he was in Germany, his group of boys hired a taxi and the last boy to be dropped either didn’t have money or something else and they killed him at the gate. I said what if Bill had been around.

When he was around, people would come telling me ‘he has drunk alcohol and he has not paid’. I would pay the money. People would say, “you are the one spoiling him”, but that’s the burden of parenthood, he remains your child. I wasn’t daring enough to take the risk and say ‘you do what you want to do with him’, because they could do something that you regret all your life.

He could even have been conniving with his friends to get money from me, but as a parent you fear what might happen to him if he doesn’t pay. A troubled child knows how to get money out of you. When he enters the house you have to make sure your bag has no money in it.

Sometimes they can call you and say, “Your son has been caught driving under the influence of alcohol. Pay Shs200,000 and it ends here or he might go to court and pay even a million.” You think to yourself, ‘I can’t let him go to court. How will people hear that Kahirimbanyi has been to
court because of alcohol!’

What happened on return from Germany?

I knew I couldn’t handle him. There is a time he came home deep in the night with eight boys. I was upstairs sleeping and I came down. I found them busy cooking. They were all from very good families; ministers and diplomats children. It showed me that alcohol or drugs have no class, no tribe, no colour, anybody can be a victim.

He had a cousin who had got a scholarship in Ukraine. He said they were strict and asked to go with him. Bill had to do Pre University because he hadn’t sat A’ Level.

The first year was okay. He learnt the language and passed the tests. He was supposed to do electronics. He came back for a short holiday and went back. I said; ‘this man is going to study’ but I was wrong. He says that that’s where drugs are. He knew how to befriend policemen, from the lowest constable to the top man. If he was a nuisance, they would take him until he sobered up and they would let him out.

He started studying very well but one time they refused to grant him an entry visa. He had returned to Uganda with a businessman who wanted to import tea. The deal was successful. The man left with his consignment but apparently shareholders of that company had a disagreement over the money and they separated.

When he was denied an Ukraine visa, Bill ended up in Cairo which was the transit back to Uganda when a Ugandan embassy official took to a liking for him. He became a tour guide. Minister John Nasasira found him at the embassy and promised to help him get a visa back to Ukraine. But out of nowhere he started misbehaving again. He was drinking so the embassy man who was staying with him said, “no you must go back to Uganda”. He came with no luggage and that was the end of Ukraine.

What next?

He eventually got counseling from Mrs. Ssenyonyi, the wife of the Uganda Christian University Mukono Vice Chancellor. She used to work with me in the bank but she was a professional counselor. I told her about Bill and she agreed to talk to him. She took him to Dr. Margaret Mungherera (R.I.P) and they persuaded him to go to rehab. We took him to Serenity Centre. I think that was the best thing that ever happened to him because after sometime he had a relapse but he knew what was happening to him. Previously he would say he will stop drinking and he would stop for one week or two but rehab enlightened him.

Serenity Centre also used to counsel us the relatives that this was a disease. You learn that it’s not enough just to talk to him and tell him ‘why are you making us suffer.’ You realise that probably he wants to change but its beyond him. Once you are convinced you want to change and you agree to seek help, then you are half way.

When he left Serenity, he started a videography business, filming weddings and baptisms and he was doing very well. That’s when he even got married.

However, along the way, he decided to relocate to Kabale because we had property and he felt we were neglecting it. He turned our family home into a bar and restaurant. For about a year he was not drinking. I told him, ‘God has helped you to stop drinking alcohol, how can you give it to others. He said, “When they are here, I have a chance to talk to them.” Eventually he joined them and things became difficult.

I have respect for his wife, because such women are rare. This girl is born again and she is very patient. Bill would do something and I would be very angry, and ask him why he would act that way yet ‘he had been to rehab, has a wife and a child.’ She would say, “you might say something bad and it becomes a curse, I’m praying for him, he is going to recover and he is going to be a great man”.

I think her prayers helped him because he started going for counseling. He hit rock bottom and said, “I can’t go any further down.” He started saying, “I have stopped drinking” and he recovered. When he recovered, he really became active in helping others.

How did you feel as a mother when you were convinced that he recovered?

‘It’s a miracle. There is nothing as bad as having a son or daughter go into alcohol and drugs, because they lose everything.’ When Bill got married, he had everything that he needed, he was doing his business, had a child and was beginning to live, then all of a sudden he lost everything. The wife started staying with me. If she was not a strong woman, he would have lost her. When he recovered, he started afresh.

What advice do you have for parents who have children who are addicted to drugs and alcohol?

They have to be strong. There is need to get sensitisation from professionals and people who have gone through it and know how to handle addicts. You have seen addicts in the villages; they kill their mothers because they want to sell land to drink.

The parents need to know that it is a disease, which needs treatment like any other disease. They should take them to rehabs and pray.

Also, parents should watch out about the example they set. You shouldn’t drink in front of children. They say if a child sees you steal, that child will most likely steal.

Did Bill grow up around alcohol?

No. By the time I got to my husband, he was not drinking. He would go and be with his colleagues but every time they ask for a beer, he would sip his tea.

And were you drinking?

A glass of wine yes, but not that I would get drunk or crave for a drink. I would take a bottle or two in the office canteen after duty, but when my husband died, I even stopped the one bottle. I asked myself, ‘why drink when the bottle is an enemy in the family?’

And were his siblings drinking?

Yes, but they were not as affected as Bill. Maybe because when they would take something, they would go to sleep unlike Bill who was energetic and he could be violent.

Do you have any advice for parents to help them raise alcohol free children?

Not only parents but even government. Having a child going into alcohol is the worst thing you can have in life. When you start seeing your child drinking and becoming useless, it’s the worst nightmare. So why should you drink around them.

Parents should also talk about it. There is a tendency for parents to cover up their children. Until Bill recovered and declared that he is an activist, I didn’t know people who had those problems because now parents call me.

“You know what. I have read about your son. What did he do to recover? I have daughter, she disappears one week and then returns. She is a graduate, was well brought up, she didn’t lack fees and passed very well but now is just on the street.”

As for government, unfortunately they cannot stop the breweries because of taxation. We have to appreciate that lack of alcohol regulation is a big problem. There is a lot of exposure to alcohol advertising. And many of these youths are jobless. In my village you find them taking sachets and parents can’t do anything about it. It’s a big problem. Children of 10 to 15 are taking sachets.

There is outcry for government to ban sachets. They gave manufacturers time to clear their stock, but this ban is going to be like the one of buveeras. They were banned but now they are back.

They need to even ban billboards. We need to do something as old people, because we are going, but which generation are we leaving behind?

Alcoholism should be part of the curriculum. During the Aids fight, children were sensitised in school. The same should be done for alcohol.

How does it feel knowing that your son now leads the crusade to stop underage drinking?

It’s a great feeling. I’m enjoying his sobriety. Now he is in charge of his family. It’s a celebration. I read everything he writes on Facebook and I comment. People get to me asking for his contact.

Some people ask me. “Tell me how you made him change.” I tell them I didn’t make him change. Maybe it happened for a reason so that he can save others.

I hope my grandchildren don’t take on alcohol because it was a big problem, especially when my husband passed away. I remember him saying, “What are you going to do with Bill?” I said, ‘go with peace, something good will happen’.

Everybody who sees Bill and was attached to the family says God is good. Bill has joined the church and is prayerful.

I keep on hoping there is no relapse, because we found an old lady in Serenity. She said when the children grew up and left, she got bored and started drinking alcohol.

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